Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
