Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The uberlube is also flammable
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
