you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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