who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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