Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
