I want to have your abortion
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
