Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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