i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We were destined to go to rehab together
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
