Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
