Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
