I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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