I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
