first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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