When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
