Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
