Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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