hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
