You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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