Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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