is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
