Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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