is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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