i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
A bitchslap is in order.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
