I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
