i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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