She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
