I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
