dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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