i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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