you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
