Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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