We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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