I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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