I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
