My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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