Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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