so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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