some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
