I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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