she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
