Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
