It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
