Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
me + whiskey = a bad person
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
