Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
