fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
