I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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