I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
