My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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