We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
