i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
