drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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