can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
