she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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