Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
