Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It was confusing and full of hummus
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
