So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
