On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
