Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
