Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
