I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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