I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize