I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
