I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
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I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
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Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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