I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
