i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
