Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Me too!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
