i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
