i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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