apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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