Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
