i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
